The Reunion, A Harry Potter FanFiction Parody
by General Schemer
Summary: Harry, Ginny, Ron, and Hermione attend the two year reunion of the Battle of Hogwarts. Feeling adventurous after Butterbeers and Firewhiskey they zip off in the Vanishing Cabinet and end up in another dimension - specifically a smutty Dramione FanFiction!
1. Invitations

Summary: A short parody/comedy of Harry Potter, Fanfictions, and everything else.

Disclaimer: Everything you recognize belongs to JK Rowling, and this story and it's original characters are mine. Contact before reproduction.

Pairing: Harry/GW and possibly some other occasional pairings – sorry for being vague, you'll have to read.

Rating: M to be safe but it's probably closer to T.

Time-line: Story starts 2 years after the battle of Hogwarts has ended the war.

Author's Note:This story attempts to lampoon inconsistencies in the books and the films.

* * *

 ** **The** **Reunion****

 ** **A Harry Potter** **FanFiction** **Parody****

 **Chapter 1.**

 **Invitations**

Harry Potter, jaws clenched with determination, slowly extended his wand with careful aim. A huge bluebottle fly had been hovering around his desk for hours. With his wand aimed and pointed straight at the fly, he was about to end this nuisance forever when Ron came stomping into the office. Quickly the fly took flight, did an evasive split-s, and disappeared.

"Gee thanks Ron. I almost had him," Harry said, pointing at the buzzing nuisance.

"Another exciting day at the Auror office – eh Harry?"

Harry carefully sat the wand down on the desk – not really giving up on the fly.

"You think we'll ever get a regular assignment again?"

Ron shrugged. "I think you've just about wiped out crime partner."

"Are you mental? There's got to be crime brewing somewhere – there always is.. You been keeping an eye on Malfoy – right?"

"Sure, but even he's not that thick Harry," replied Ron. "Malfoy knows we're watching him."

"Not if you do it right."

"I'm telling you. He's keeping clean Harry."

"That's unlikely. The rumors have it that he's broke. He'll have to do something to make some money and we know he's not fond of work."

Ron shook his head. "I can't believe we got rid of all the death-eaters."

"It's been two years Ron. The one's we didn't mop up went into hiding."

"So what do we do until then?" asked Ron.

"No idea. But for now, we do have diversions," he stated and pulled an invitation from a pile of paper on his desk.

"So wha's that?" Ron curiously inquired.

"An invitation – of course."

"I can see that – but to what?"

"A do at the castle..."

"A what?"

Harry opened the invitation and began to read.

 _To the survivors of the Battle of Hogwarts: We wish to invite you to an anniversary dinner at the castle in celebration of the victory and to commemorate those who were lost._

 _The evening begins at the castle with a cooler-mixer at 6:00 o'clock followed by dinner at 7:00. The evening will continue with guest speakers, drinks, and music. Please help us remember the past and celebrate the future by attending._

There was a moment of confused silence.

"Well, that sounds great but I don't think I got an invitation," griped Ron.

"Sure you got an invitation Ron. It's probably under that pile of junk on your desk."

"I don't think so – I woulda remembered."

"Whatever – but it must be around here somewhere."

"If you say so… but I wasn't exactly the hero of that battle," growled Ron, causing Harry to pull a sour face.

"Ron – we were all..."

Their conversation was interrupted by the sound of high heels clacking down the corridor and moving quickly in their direction. Breezing through the door to the Auror office, Hermione had her invitation in hand, attempting to speak and recover her breath at the same time.

Totally made over since school days, Hermione bore little resemblance to her younger self. Heels, a shorter skirt, and much filling out had changed her for the better. While she turned many male eyes in the Ministry, it was thought that her heart still somehow belonged to Ron. Only he was too thick to know it. Their pitiful relationship had been off and on since school days.

"Can you believe it?!" she said and waved the invitation to demonstrate. "They're having a do at the castle."

"Yeah, we know," replied Harry

"Well, you don't seem very excited about it."

"Ron's lost his invitation."

"I didn't lose it – it never came."

"That's nonsense Ron," snapped Hermione. "They couldn't have it without you. There must be some mistake."

"I'll say," mused Ron.

Harry threw up his arms at this. Hermione shook her head in disbelief and tons of bushy brown hair shook with it. At this very moment, Clarence the skinny post boy entered the room carrying a mailbag so large that many wondered how he did it. He stopped in the door and began to fish something out of the bag.

"Sorry Mister Weasley. I missed this one on the morning run."

Apologetically, Clarence handed Ron his invitation.

"Thanks Clarence." Harry and Hermione began to laugh.

"Now that that's solved," Hermione said grinning.

"Oh shut-up," interrupted Ron.

"I've got to tell the others." And with that, Hermione clacked off down the corridor as quickly as she came.

There was a long pause, but it wasn't about the invitation.

"Are you seeing her at all Ron?"

Another pause.

"Not trying to be a total arse Harry, but I don't see how that concerns you."

"Don't see how that concerns me. My two best friends in the world? You're mental Ron. I tell you," moaned Harry. "Hermione is looking great these days. If I wasn't seeing your sister _I'd_ ask her out."

"That's very illuminating," said Ron, with thick disinterest.

"...and I still don't remember. What are you two fighting about?"

Ron scratched his head. "I really can't remember now. It was always something."

"Well then, what's the point," exclaimed Harry. "I can't believe you're not rolling with that. I mean, you still have male needs don't you?"

"Sure. But Hermione wasn't too keen on taking care of those. Oh maybe after a fight – we could get along for a while – but on a regular basis, no."

Harry shook his head, disbelievingly. "Sometimes you need to take em out to dinner Ron. Did you ever try that?"

Ron pulled a face. "Of course I did. But then she'd fuss over how much food I ate. I tell ya Harry, it just isn't worth the trouble sometimes."

"Has Ginny talked to her about this?"

"I rather she didn't."

Harry eyed Ron suspiciously. Maybe there were details of this crisis that Ron didn't want out.

"Well… have it your way. I'll drop it then. But it's obvious she still cares for you. It just seems like such a waste."

"Thanks dad. I'll see what I can do."

Harry waved his hand to dismiss the whole subject.

"Do what you will Ron." With this Harry picked up his wand and pointed it in Ron's direction. Ron's insolent mood instantly changed as his eyes began to widen.

A thin wisp of green light shot from the wand, and the bluebottle fly, that was very close to Ron's head, went up in smoke.


	2. Kings Cross

****The** **Reunion****

 ** **A Harry Potter** **FanFiction** **Parody****

 **Chapter 2.**

 **Kings Cross**

When the evening of the reunion arrived, the revelers began to assemble on Kings Cross platform. One by one the guests entered the platform via the 9 ¾ portal. Warm smiles and friendly greetings were contagious as old friends trickled onto the platform.

But not all were welcomed with warm smiles. Draco Malfoy and his coterie of corrupt minded cohorts snaked and barged through the guests to place themselves in front of the queue. Having lost Crabbe during the battle of Hogwarts, Malfoy had picked up several others to replace him. All seemed to have that aloof yet sinister disposition. Upon seeing Malfoy and his friends, smiles around the platform quickly faded.

But in spite of Malfoy's attempt to irritate his old classmates, the train ride went well. After much reminiscing, and nostalgic longings aboard the Hogwarts Express, the train disembarked on time and arrived on schedule at the Hogwarts platform.

"Protecting us all from crime are you Weasley?" shot Malfoy as Ron passed. "I feel safer already."

Ron immediately bristled.

"Let it go Ron," piped Hermione.

"Yeah, let it go Weaselby," mocked Malfoy.

"Keep it up Malfoy," snarled Ron. "See what you get."

Precipitantly, Malfoy's friends surged forward, just as eager to start a fight as to protect their friend.

"Ron! Come on," Harry directed and then turned his attention to Malfoy. "That's enough guys."

They appeared to comply but couldn't hide the hate in their eyes.

"Well... some things never change," boomed a deep voice. "Come on you lot," said Hagrid, "this is not the night for this."

Just as quickly as it began the situation diffused itself and the two groups continued on their separate ways.

From the platform they took a coach to the castle and queued up to enter as they had always done. On this special night the exterior of the castle was all lit with multicolored hues of magical lighting.

"It sure looks better than it did on the night of the battle," said Ron.

Standing in awe, they could only nod.

"You can say that again," added Harry.

"Uh huh," murmured Ginny.

Neither Ron or Hermione replied, but the two were standing closer as if they were slowly becoming a pair, even if it was only for a night.

As it had threatened all day, the sky finally let loose and a light rain began to fall steadily. Everyone took out their wands and lifted them over their heads to make use of an Umbrella spell.

"Wait a minute," exclaimed Hermione as she stopped in her tracks. "What did we just do?"

"Ah… we got out of the rain?" sniped Ron.

"No, no, no. I mean that Umbrella spell. Where the hell did that come from?"

Everyone shrugged, without the faintest clue why they had all discovered the spell for the first time.

"Well, it pretty damned simple. If you ask me," sniped Ron.

"Yeah, exactly my point. I remember us all getting drenched in our second year – and no one knew it?"

"Hermione," pleaded Ron. "Who gives a big one. Let's go."

Finally the huge doors parted open and the small crowd melted into the castle. They mingled as best they could in the entryway of the Great Hall. Drinks and refreshments were plentiful. Ron, obviously befuddled by being so close to Hermione, began sampling the Firewhiskey punch. It looked as though Hermione was about to scold him when she remembered her position and threw her hands up instead.

"Might as well have a good time I suppose," she consented and followed Ginny and Harry toward the young sommelier dispensing glasses of red wine.

After an hour or so, many of the guests were getting tight from the wine and punch. Conversation and laughter picked up as more beverages were consumed. Rolf Scamander, the grandson of the famous Magizoologist Newt Scamander, began practicing his bird calls. Most everyone at the party was embarrassed for Rolf, but the young Magizoology PHD candidate was none the wiser.

Rolf had been seeing Luna Lovegood. According to gossip, the two hit it off at first sight. They loved to travel around the magical countryside looking for new and undiscovered magical creatures.

Finally, to the relief of many, the call for dinner was made. Lining up as couples, and by groups, and houses, they all proceeded into the Great Hall, except for one romantic pair. They appeared to be headed toward the nooks and crannies of the castle.

"Where they going?"

"Wake up Ron," piped Ginny. "He's had his hands on her all night."

"Not surprising," whispered Hermione to Ginny.

"Yeah, I thought they were gonna do it on the train."

"So they're off to find a room?" asked Ron.

"Probably to the room of requirement," added Hermione.

Ron looked as though he finally got the picture. Ginny giggled and then looked away.

They were welcomed at last by Headmaster McGonagall. As they filed into the Great Hall, the once professor turned Headmaster stood at the podium overlooking the crowd. She stood there with open arms and encouraged the crowd to be seated by their respective houses.

The speech she gave was excellent. Just the right amount of levity balanced with respect and mention for those that were lost on this anniversary of the battle.

"As sunny as things look for the future of Hogwarts – let us never forget the sacrifice of many that night..."

With a reverberating strike of her glass, Headmaster McGonagall signaled the feast to begin. Immediately Ron began to dig in like there was no tomorrow. Hermione looked as though she wanted to scold him, but then realized she no longer had the right to do so.

"This was really nice of old McGonagall to arrange this," said Ron, talking through a mouthful of food.

"Don't be naive Ron," barked Hermione. "The school is seeking donations. Didn't you see the forms in the foyer?"

"Well, no I didn't," said Ron. "I guess I wasn't looking for that."

"Yeah, I heard they seriously overspent their budget," piped in Harry. "This whole restoration cost more than they bargained for."

"Well..." popped in Ginny. "We should help them."

Harry nodded, but then stopped to notice Cho Chang excuse herself from the table. She was lavishly attired in a dark blue gown with a long split hem that snaked up her thigh. An attractive and well formed leg popped out of the gown as she walked

"You don't have to stare Harry," scolded Ginny. Harry looked caught while Ron snickered. Once again Hermione looked as though she wanted to kill him.

"I'm not staring," defended Harry. "I just haven't seen Cho for some time; that's all."

Ginny pulled a face.

"Wonder if she's still single?" queried Ron.

"You want me to ask her Ron?" quipped Hermione.

"Would you mind? It's been a while you know."

Hermione's smile quickly turned to a scowl.

"Hey," blurted Harry, grinning at his two friends who never missed a chance to fight. "What's next?"

Hermione pointed toward the end of the Great Hall. "They're already clearing the tables."

"Yeah, for what," Ron asked.

"For the weird sisters – what else?" replied Ginny.

On the end of the Great Hall near the podium, the plates and platters were lifted magically and exiting the room toward the kitchens in single file.

"We got to stay for that Harry," Ginny pleaded.

"Oh please, I've got to walk off some of this food first."

"Okay, but we're coming back now. You know the Weird Sisters are my favorite band."

"How could I forget it. Hey, you two feel like a stroll around the castle?" he asked Ron and Hermione with Ginny's hand in his.

Neither one seemed as though they wanted to answer. Finally Ron shrugged and got up to follow his friend. Hermione, not wanting to be alone, got up as well.

‡‡‡‡‡

Leaving the dining Hall, they were immediately greeted by fifth-year tour guides. Young students eager to show the new 'improvements' of the castle to the visitors. Politely they agreed to the tour, but all they really wanted was to just spend a little time in the old Gryffindor common room.

"If you don't mind we'd like to see the Gryffindor common room," Harry said.

"Well, sir," replied a bright eyed student. "The Gryffindor common room isn't a normal part of the tour."

"Well, all the same, we'd like to browse around on our own if you don't mind."

The youngster looked a bit put off but politely left them on their own.

Quickly, they went straight away to Gryffindor tower. Tickled to see them again, the fat lady let them in without a password. They thanked her after a short conversation and rushed in. The room was lit but just barely and the absence of fire in the huge fireplace made the room feel cold and vacant. Hermione levitated a few logs into the hearth and lit them with one wave of her wand.

For a while they were all content to just sit there, admiring the room as old memories swam through their heads.

"You know," began Harry. "I've always wondered what the women's dormitory was like."

"You pervert," teased Hermione, "The door is enchanted. Boys are not allowed."

"Well, I'm not a boy – and I have someone to let me in," he said, looking at Ginny invitingly.

When Ginny didn't answer, he whispered something in her ear and the two disappeared upstairs.

When they didn't return in a few minutes, Hermione and Ron began to fidget nervously.

"You think we ought to go up and check on them?"

Hermione rolled her eyes. "Are you serious Ron. I'm sure they've got something more than us on their mind."

Ron flushed. "I'm sure they do – I mean, I know they," he stumbled. "But right in front of us."

"They're not right in front of us Ron. Besides, they haven't been together in while now."

"It's only been a couple of weeks," he protested.

"Ron – you _are_ hopeless."

A long silence ensued. Ron looked to taking things quite introspectively.

"Yeah, I guess you're right," he said at last.

"You think so?"

"I guess I never could get used to guys snogging my sister."

"Oh I'd say there's more than snogging going on."

"Oh shut up Hermione."

"I'd say he's shagging her brains out," she continued to dig.

"Shut it..."

"It's just natural Ron. I don't know why..."

"I'm leaving," he announced, and he started up.

"You want me to go with you?" Hermione heard herself say, more out of boredom than wishing to be with Ron.

"Yeah, I guess – come on."

‡‡‡‡‡

By the time they got back to the Great Hall, it had been magically transformed into a proper dance hall. The Weird Sisters were warming up with a few tunes while the Butterbeer, and Firewhiskey punch were flowing like water. Feeling like a fish out of water, Ron had two glasses of Firewhiskey punch in the space of ten minutes. Watching her hopes for a pleasant evening going to hell, Hermione had one as well.

Since Ron didn't dance, they hung out at the tables sulking. Finally Harry and Ginny showed up but there was little they could do to cheer up the situation.

After dragging Harry out to the dance floor more than once, it was time for Ginny to cheer up Hermione and Ron. She tried gallantly but do little to improve their mood. If you don't or won't dance, nothing is worse than being in the middle of one.

"Come on you guys – let's get out of here," she blurted, when nothing else would work.

"To where?" Ron scowled.

"Hell anywhere – let's go you lot."

Prowling aimlessly around the corridors of they castle, they regaled each other with stories of years gone by.

"Hey, I wonder what happened to the room of requirement?" asked Ron. "It wasn't on the tour."

"It's probably all burned up still," Ginny said quickly.

"Oh, surely they would have repaired it by now."

"There's only one way to find out," said Harry.

Hermione looked suspiciously dubious. Ginny looked reluctant then shrugged as if to say what the hell.


	3. The Room of Hidden Things

****The** **Reunion****

 ** **A Harry Potter** **FanFiction** **Parody****

 **Chapter 3.**

 **The Room of Hidden Things**

They slowly trudged up the stairs to the seventh floor. The Firewhiskey punch and Butterbeers didn't help.

"Now whose idea was this?" asked Ron.

"It was yours Ron," shot back Hermione.

Finally at the tapestry opposite from the entrance, they went through the usual ritual of passing the entrance three times while concentrating on nothing but getting in.

Slowly the outline of huge door began to take form in the stone walls. Within a matter of seconds the door had taken full shape and form. With a last sprint of magic the door was functionally complete.

Ron bravely walked up to the door and opened it. He peered in carefully but didn't enter. Cautiously sticking his head in fully he looked all around with his feet still safely outside.

"Are you going in Ron or what?" Hermione demanded.

"Hey! This is the Room of Hidden Things." said Ron, as if expecting the Fiend Fire to jump out.

Harry looked at everyone suspiciously. "Who requested this?" and the three shook their heads,

"Is it all burnt up Ron?" asked Ginny.

"No – it's not," he replied and stepped beyond the great door. "It looks just like it always did."

"It smells just like it always did," quipped Ginny.

Slowly, they followed Ron's lead and stepped in. The cavernous compartment was just as it always was – littered and full of junk. Towering heaps of second hand and worn out furniture reached for the ceiling. Once precious and coveted items were now discarded, and strewn about the floor and furnishing. If they had a tale of their own it would no doubt be a sad one.

"I figured all this would be long gone," said Ron still in amazement.

"Yeah, this is weird," agreed Harry. "It's just like it was before the night of the battle."

"So… maybe we shouldn't be here," mused Hermione with a cautious tone.

"Oh hell, let's look around," said Ginny with a giggle that was brought on more by the punch rather than curiosity.

Everyone laughed at the levity and moved through the doorway and then turned to watch as it closed behind them.

"Hard to imagine now," said Hermione. "That Umbridge broke that thing down."

"Well, she's not around to it again," said Ron.

"Old bitch," spurted Ginny and everyone laughed.

"All this junk," said Harry. "It looks completely untouched – and I saw it all burn."

"Yeah, this is too weird."

"Hell, one day it's the Room of Requirement, the next it's the Room of Hidden Things or the Come and Go Room. It _is_ what it wants to be," replied Ginny, followed by a little hiccup.

Wandering aimlessly – they browsed the junk that often stood in piles that nearly reached the ceiling. Speechless, they couldn't believe it was all still there.

"I know!" declared Ginny out of the blue and disappeared down a corridor of junk.

"Where the hell is she off to?"

Harry stood there, shaking his head. "She's _your_ sister," he said at last.

They continued to browse through the towers of junk, their footsteps echoing in the cavernous hall.

In a few minutes, Ginny comes running up with something in her hand.

"It is all here!" she said. "Look!" She hands a book to Harry.

He takes a quick glance at the cover: Advanced Potion-Making. The were other scribbles and marks on the cover with many dogeared pages.

"Oh shit," he exclaimed after studying the tome carefully. "It's my old potions book."

"Throw that thing away," yelled Hermione. "That what he cheated us with in his seventh year."

"Cheated? You're a sore loser!"

"You remember when we hid this thing?" Ginny asked playfully.

"Yeah, it wasn't the only thing we hid that day – was it?"

Ginny blushed slightly while hiding a grin. Ron snapped around curiously but no explanation was offered.

This time Hermione disappeared as they moved idly through the aisles and corridors of dusty relics.

"Hey – over here!" she called out at last.

"What is it?" said Ron.

"You need to see this."

Reluctantly, they followed her voice till they were upon the huge relic that held her attention.

"It's the Vanishing Cabinet – remember. Draco used that thing to get Death eaters into the castle."

"Let's get away from it." said Ginny.

"It's harmless," said Harry. "You remember that night in Diagon Alley – when we saw him and his mother at Borgin and Burkes..."

"They went in looking for this thing," injected Hermione.

"If we'd only known at the time," reminisced Ron.

"Yeah..." was all Harry could muster and there was a brief moment of silence.

They stood there for a moment, gawking at the enormous object.

"Hell," Harry said at last. "Let's take this thing for a ride. Anyone feel like a trip to Borgin and Burkes."

"Are you mental?" snapped Hermione.

"Why not?" said Ron with a lisp brought on by the Firewhiskey punch.

"Because – Vanishing Cabinets are finicky and temperamental objects," said Hermione.

"Oh Hermione – when will you ever..." asked Ron.

"...ever what Ron?"

"Ever loosen your arse up a notch?"

Hermione looked genuinely effected by the comment. She didn't reply.

"Come on!" exclaimed Harry and he opened the cabinet door. Ginny and Ron followed immediately. Hermione took a bit more convincing, but with Ron pulling at her hand, she acquiesced.

* * *

 **AN:** Thought it was useful to include the first three chapters at once. The story will change gears dramatically on the next update. Thanks for reading.


	4. The Vanishing Cabinet

:

 **The** ****Reunion****

 ** **A Harry Potter** **Parody****

 **Chapter 4.**

 **The Vanishing Cabinet**

"Let's squeeze in… Boy girl Boy girl," said Harry while studying the all too cramped quarters of the Vanishing Cabinet.

Hermione reluctantly acquiesced but managed to keep a polite distance from Ron; in doing so she kept the door from fully closing.

"Come on, pull in tight Hermione," continued Harry. "You've been nipple to nipple with Ron before."

"Shut up Harry," she spat and squeezed into Ron enough to close the door.

Quickly, except for the scant light that entered between the gaps of the planking, the cabinet became dark and stuffy.

They stood there for more than several moments and nothing happened.

"Yeah – this is great fun Harry."

"Give it a minute Hermione."

"Ouch Ron," she complained. "You're standing on my toe."

That was the last word she got out. The cabinet began to quiver slightly then picked up to a violent hum. Quickly it began to shake and they struggled to stay on their feet. At this point the cabinet began to rattle so loudly it seemed like it would fall apart. It felt like it was spinning and the air changed to a fresher smell as it moved through the magical ether.

It continued to spin through the magical medium until it slammed down with a heavy thud.

"What happened," asked Ron.

"You can take your hands off my arse now Ron – and someone open the door," complained Hermione as Harry and Ginny split their sides laughing.

"Ginny reach around your brother's ass and open the door."

"You reach around Harry – you two are closer than we are," she sniped amid more laughter.

Hermione grappled for the door catch. It popped open and they all tumbled out and onto the floor.

"Get off me Ron," complained Hermione.

"Sorry..."

"Harry, your hands are under my skirt," said Ginny. "I'm pinned to the floor."

"You weren't wearing a short skirt," argued Harry.

"I am now," she said, looking over her clothes.

"So am I," exclaimed Hermione. "What on earth is going on here?"

"Harry, I hate to tell you – but we're in school robes," lamented Ron.

"School robes!? Hell I haven't worn school robes since my fourth year!"

"And we're not in Borgin and Burkes," said Ginny, looking around.

"We never left the Room of Hidden Things."

"We went somewhere Ron; I can tell you that," snapped Hermione.

They all scrambled up and to their feet.

"Let's get out of here," said Ginny with a hint of frightful concern.

"Shouldn't we find our clothes," suggested Hermione.

"Find our clothes? In this place? No, Ginny's right," agreed Ron. "Maybe we ought to just leave."

With no objections, they rushed to the door, but no amount of summoning, magic, or physical force would open it.

"Now we're screwed," scowled Ron.

"What did Umbridge use? The Bombarda Maxima?" asked Harry.

"Of course," answered Hermione. "But we don't want to do that. Lord knows they've spent enough money fixing this place up. We don't want to go wrecking it on the first visit. We should be able to figure this out."

"Well hurry up Hermione. I need to drain the lizard."

"You were always the poet Ron. I'm sure there's a large pot around here somewhere."

"Yeah, maybe we need to split up and look around," reasoned Harry.

"Surely we can find some clues as what's going on," added Ginny. "Hermione, let's leave the guys to there own resources for a while."

"Gladly." With that the two girls wandered off in their own direction, cackling like magpies.

Ron let out a huge breath. "You know – sometimes I can't stand to be around her."

Harry shook his head. "Wish you two could figure it out."

Ron thought on this. "It doesn't seem like you and Ginny are having problems."

"No we have a good emotional and physical relationship Ron."

"Yeah – we could see that!"

Harry thought for a second. "We just decided to leave you two together. We hoped. that..."

"Nice try Harry. I'm not buying it, but nice try."

"Think what you like Ron. Because Ginny and I _are_ physical… no problems in that area."

"Hey that's enough Harry. She _is_ my sister you know."

"You have hangups Ron. You really do. But Ginny and I really wish you two could fix things."

Ron walked in silence for a few moments.

"I have to ask you something."

"Sure Ron, what is it?"

"That summer in the tent? And those things Voldemort said?"

Harry continued to walk without a word. "About what?" he answered at last.

"About Hermione preferring you to me. Did you two ever..."

"Ron – you know Voldemort was just putting rubbish in your head. He could already read your doubts."

"Maybe I had doubts for a good reason. I just needed to hear it from you."

"Ron, we've always been best of friends. You know that..."

"Sure, I know that. But I also know that I was being a complete tosh-pot that summer. So… I got to ask you Harry. Did you shag her?"

"Ron… I didn't. Hermione was always like a sister to me. I can promise you that."

Ron thought on Harry's response for a few moments. "Okay Harry. Thanks. I won't bring it up again."

‡‡‡‡‡

"Ginny," pried Hermione. "What did Harry mean back there - 'it wasn't the only thing we hid that day'?"

Ginny blushed a little. "He's referring to the day we hid the book."

"Well, yeah. I figured that but..."

"Well – we kissed that day, after we hid the book. And to make a long story short – you see that couch?"

Ginny pointed to an old couch, quite roomy and covered with an old blanket.

"That's where we ended up. That's where we went every time we felt like… you know what I mean."

Hermione looked at the couch and then Ginny. "Oh, I see. You two made it huh?"

"Yep… lost it right there."

"That's romantic Ginny."

"That day I hid the book, Harry was so sweet. I ran off after the kiss – inviting him to find me. He did – I was lying under the blanket naked on this old couch. It was my first time Hermione. I think maybe Harry's too. After that we used to come up here a lot. It was our little secret."

"I used to wonder where you two disappeared off to."

"And what's so funny," Ginny went on. "Ron had just given Harry and I his permission to date."

Hermione laughed out loud. "It sounds like he was a little late."

"Yeah," said Ginny, almost upchucking. "Ron is so backward sometimes – but he is sweet."

"Sometimes he is, yeah."

"We had to find another spot though."

"Yeah why."

"It's really fucking embarrassing."

"What is it Ginny?"

"Malfoy walked in on us one day."

"You're not serious."

"I am. We were going at it big time, and I opened my eyes to see that Son of a Bitch standing over us."

"Oh my God – that's ghastly."

"Scared the shit out of me."

"I can imagine."

"To his credit, Malfoy never said a word of it to anyone… as far as we know that is."

Hermione shook her head in disbelief. They walked on a few minutes more in silence.

"Hermione?"

"Yes Gin?"

"Is there any chance ever that you and my brother will..."

Hermione laughed. "Will we ever get back together? I don't know Gin. Our relationship was nothing but a string of failures and breakups."

"That's all you remember?"

"Yeah – I forgave him for Lavender Brown. He was pissed about me and Viktor Krum. Although he had no reason to be. Nothing ever went on between _us_."

"Are you implying there _was_ between Ron and Lavender?"

"Oh yeah. He told me she was his first shag."

"That must have been great to hear."

"Yeah – heavens knows why he told me. And then after Lavender was lost at the battle, it was her little sister a few years later. And then there were others..."

Ginny shook her head. "How could anyone do that to someone that loves them? And to think, it was my own brother."

"It's not so hard Ginny."

"It sounds like you're defending him."

"Maybe I am – you know, Voldemort put a lot of doubts in his head in the forest."

"Doubts? Doubts about what? Hermione that was a long time ago."

"He put ideas in Ron's mind. Ideas that I cared for Harry instead of him."

"Oh, that's preposterous. We all knew you and Harry were just friends."

Hermione didn't answer. She strolled the junk laden corridors in silence.

"Ginny," she said, breaking the silence.

"Yeah?"

"I have a confession."

Ginny scrunched her brows. "Bout what girl?"

"That same summer – in the tent – before the battle?"

"Yeah?"

"I don't think I ever told you. Ron wasn't there the whole time.

Ginny stopped to face her friend.

"So you're telling me you were alone with Harry. No need to cough up a confession for that Hermione."

Hermione grabbed Ginny by the hand and shook her head.

"A little more than that Gin – we had an affair."

Ginny looked stunned.

"You mean… you and Harry?"

Hermione nodded.

"An _affair_?" was all Ginny could say. She pulled her hand away from Hermione's.

"That bastard! And with my best friend too!"

"Ginny, you mustn't be too hard on him," pleaded Hermione.

"That's easy for you to say," barked Ginny.

"Look Ginny – we didn't even know if any of us would survive the war. I really didn't believe Harry would. I mean – you had Voldemort with the Elder wand… I mean..."

"All these years," Ginny went on. "He told me he'd never strayed – and I believed him!"

"Oh, come on Ginny. You weren't exactly as pure as the driven snow. You were with guys before Harry."

"It wasn't that much, and the key word is 'before'. After we started dating I never."

"Look – Ginny, you two are the most solid couple I know. I would have never confessed if I thought it would cause a serious rift between you two. Promise me it won't Ginny," pleaded Hermione as she reached for Ginny's hand.

Ginny recoiled from her friend's touch. "We should be getting back," she snapped, and with that Ginny stormed away.

:

* * *

A/N: Thanks for reading and a big thanks for comments from GinnyWright.

While I personally believe in canon, it's always been my opinion that Rowling went one way with the stories and the movie producers desperately wanted to go another. It would have been marketable to show more affection/romance between Harry and Hermione in the films. Everyone remembers the dance scene in the tent. Emma Watson went on to say that her and Daniel played the scene as if something _had_ happened between them.

The scene in HBP where Ginny and Harry kissed was always a little peculiar to me. Why did Ginny tell Harry to close his eyes and then run off? And where did she go? :)


	5. Stuck in a World of Fanfiction

:

 ** **The** **Reunion****

 ** **A Harry Potter** **Parody****

 **Chapter 5.**

 **Stuck in a World of Fanfiction.**

Harry and Ron were lounging sullenly in wing backed chairs when the girls returned. The good-times grin Ginny had been wearing all night had been replaced by a mask of sternness. Hermione didn't look all that happy either, but then she seldom did when she was in the company of Ron. But today it wasn't Ron; obviously the girls had had a falling out and were not on the best of terms. Both Harry and Ron had learned long ago not to get in the middle of a dispute between these two. Any attempt on their part to intercede would only make things worse. Besides, in no time they would likely forget what they had been arguing about in the first place.

"Did you turn up anything?" Harry asked Hermione.

"No," she said. "But I _have_ been thinking."

"Yeah? Let's hear it," inquired Ron.

"It's the uniforms; it's the umbrella spell; it's the weird out of character stuff going on all night," she informed them. "Harry, we're being reminded of who we are."

"And who exactly is _that_ Hermione?"

"We're fictional characters Harry – written by a fiction author. The laws of our universe are defined by one person. And it's up to that one person to get it right, and it doesn't always happen."

"How did the umbrella spell have anything to do with this?" asked Ron.

"It's out of sync with time," explained Hermione. "You have characters in the time of Newt Scamander using it, but it didn't exist at the train platform when we needed it."

Harry, Ron, and Ginny looked dumbfounded.

"You know – between the train platform and the castle during our second year. We all got soaked to the bone by the rain that year. It was an obvious oversight on the part of the author."

"Maybe we just didn't know about the spell Hermione," said Harry.

"That's tripe," she replies sternly. "I would have known about it."

"Maybe so Hermione, but I think you're over-reacting a bit," replied Harry.

"That's codswallop Hermione," added Ron.

"No," she said, shaking a head of bushy brown hair. "You're just being thick Ron. Come on guys, think it through."

Suddenly, Harry noticed Ginny was nowhere around.

"Where's Ginny?" he asked.

"GINNY," bellowed Ron.

"Over here," came her faint reply.

"She's back at the Vanishing Cabinet," said Hermione.

"STAY AWAY FROM THAT THING," hollered Harry, and they all ran to find her standing there with a stack of papers in her hand.

"I've found something," she said, meekly.

"What is it Gin," Hermione asked and ran up to her friend.

"Beats me. Looks like a manuscript of some kind?" she said and handed it to Hermione. "I found it in the floor of the Vanishing Cabinet."

"It's a book," she went on. "Titled: _A Slytherin Princess,_ by _I_Love_Smutty_F_ _anFiction_. It says it's a Dramione Fanfiction."

"What's the hell's a dramione fanfiction?" asked Ron. "It sounds like it a book of curses."

"Yeah, I'd put it down Ginny – it might have a spell on it," Harry said.

"Don't you two read?" snapped Hermione. "Fanfiction is just fiction created by fans. It's harmless – well almost. If you don't think of the damage it causes by reading that tripe."

"Well what the hell is it doing in the bottom of the Vanishing Cabinet?" demanded Ron.

"Who knows," Hermione snarled and took the manuscript from Ginny. She began to turn through the pages quickly.

"It must have been there all along," Hermione said at last. "It may have something to do with our problem here."

"Would it have anything to do with the fourth-year clothes we found ourselves in?"

"It just might," began Hermione. "You see – most fans remember us the way the were in our fourth years."

"Yeah," said Harry. "We were cute and precocious in those years, the years before we grew up."

"Exactly!" said Hermione. "I think you're catching on Harry."

"But what's Dramione?" Ginny asked her friend.

"That's the gross part," replied Hermione. "It's where Draco and I – well, it's a romantic story between the two of us."

"Throw that rubbish down," growled Ron.

Harry was laughing out loud. Ginny buried her face in her hands.

"Wait a minute – does this mean – we're all in a fanfiction now?" asked Harry. "And by an extension of what you've just said: Our world is governed by some fanfiction author?"

"That's right," replied Hermione. "And the average demographic of fanfiction authors is in the neighborhood of sixteen year old females."

"We're all screwed," moaned Harry.

"Oh great," said Ron. "That's just fucking great. It was bad enough in the canon world. I mean, some of the shit we did there was fucking mental."

"So – you're telling us – you and Draco are to become a pair," offered Ginny in a timid voice.

"Did someone call my name!?"

All heads instinctively snapped around to find the familiar voice.

"Draco!? Where the hell did you come from?" said Harry.

"Beats me. Just had a terrible desire to check out the old Vanishing Cabinet when I heard voices."

Hermione was already turning pink.

Ron had his face in his hands.

"Well, you should go," Ron scowled at Draco.

"That's not very friendly."

Draco walked over and a took a place beside Hermione. "Tell them they're being rude Granger."

"What!? Uh – yeah – I guess you're right. You should try being a little less rude to Draco. He _is_ after all, a part of our story."

"Yeah," chimed in Draco. "I'm a part our story. What is our story by the way?"

"Don't tell him Hermione," pleaded Ron.

"It's a long story Draco."

"I've got plenty of time Granger. Let's go check out my Vanishing Cabinet. You can tell me along the way."

"Hermione!" said Ginny. "You're not seriously going through with this?"

"Do you want to spend the rest of your life in the Room of hidden things. It may be the only way out of this mess Ginny."

"Yeah, it may be the only way out of this mess Ginny," mocked Draco.

Ron moved forward to challenge the situation. "You don't have to do this."

"No Ron," she said and extended a hand to warn him off.

"You haven't read the story. You don't know how it goes."

"I've got a pretty good guess. Besides, I've skipped through the pages… and yeah, this is the way it goes. It's a common enough theme in Dramione fanfiction Ron."

"It's sick!" he exclaimed, and threw his head into his hands.

"Sure. But it may be our only way out of this mess."

With a shit-eating grin, Draco turned toward the Vanishing Cabinet, escorting Hermione with his right hand. They quickly disappeared around a junkpile of discarded furniture.

‡‡‡‡‡

After several hours of searching, Ginny, Harry, and Ron could turn up nothing of importance. The door to the castle corridors was still impossible to breach.

Sick to death of the fourth-year clothing, they went on an expedition to find replacements. Lighting off into a direction opposite from Draco and Hermione. Ginny found a low-cut dinner dress from a period of at least a hundred years prior. Discovering the habiliments of an overseer, Ron was dressed in overalls and a red flannel shirt. Harry dug up a pair of blue striped exercise trousers and a matching top.

"If we only had food," said Ron.

"You know we can't conjure food Ron," said Ginny.

"Yeah, we've had that problem before. "

"How so?" prodded Ginny.

"It's one of the five exceptions to Gamp's Law of Elemental Transfiguration," began Harry. "Hermione informed us that summer in the tent."

"I was so hungry," added Ron.

"I heard you did okay," snarled Ginny. Harry and Ron looked at her suspiciously."

"But wait a minute," said Ron. "I thought you said we were in a different world now. Maybe we _can_ transfigure food from nothing."

"Leave it to your belly to come up with a brilliant idea Ron."

"Well, maybe we can. Hermione said the laws of our world are created by the author that writes us!"

"Yeah, but wouldn't that author follow canon? It just makes sense that they would."

"You know what's funny," pried Ginny. Our first author makes wonderful laws in her fantasy world but has no understanding of practical laws of supply and demand in the real world."

"What do you mean Ginny," asked Harry.

"Ginny, have you been reading those Muggle magazines again?" snapped Ron.

"NO, I saw that on-line."

‡‡‡‡‡

"I tell ya," said Ron through a mouthful of food. "This place is not so bad. Much better than our old world."

"Ron," whined Ginny. "We'll never be able to eat all this."

"Yeah, it's only going to go bad," agreed Harry.

All around them were piles and platters of food. Roast beef, roast turkey, and baked potatoes and breads were scattered on the floor, and they feasted heartedly.

"We don't need to worry about old Gamp around here, do we?" asked Ron with a huge grin.

Suddenly the three were alerted to a noise from around a pile of junk. Surreptitiously, Hermione peered around a huge china cabinet and then stepped into view.

Her cheeks were pink and rosy; her hair was all mussed up; her blouse buttons were aligned off center and her black school stockings were long gone.

"What the hell happened to you?" asked Ron.

"We were just spelunking – you know, looking for a way out of this place," she defended. "We were climbing over mountains of junk while you lot were feeding your face. Where did you get all this food?" she asked in amazement.

"It's a long story," replied Harry. "But you can forget about Gamp's laws around here."

"Never thought I'd ask, but where's Malfoy?" pried Ginny.

"He's still working on his Vanishing Cabinet. He thinks it's the way out of here."

"Well, hope he finds one," sniped Ron, tearing away a large turkey leg from the roasted carcass.

Hermione stood there while her friends stuffed their faces.

"You're not eating Hermione?" Harry asked her.

"I'm sure they'll be plenty left."

"You sure?" asked Ginny.

Hermione looked as though she was considering her friends advice.

"Ginny?"

"Yes Hermione?"

"I found something I'd like to show you?"

"What's that?" demanded Ron.

"Hey never mind Ron, it's just some old jewelery and stuff," barked Hermione, and when Ron wasn't looking she winked at Ginny.

Her friend bounced up and the two quickly disappeared behind a large oak wardrobe.

Hermione looked around to make sure they were out of sight. "Ginny, I have found something out, and it's rather disturbing."

"What's that Hermione?"

"I've found out what kind of story we're in..."

"I thought you already knew that?"

"Not exactly. You see, it's a smutty romance between me and er… you know, Draco."

"Smutty? Hermione!? How did you find that out?"

Hermione paused and reflected. "Because things got smutty. That's how I know."

Ginny gasped. "Smutty? You mean like..."

"It was a bit weird. No, it was really weird and I don't know how to explain it – I became a totally different person the minute I left the group."

"You became a different person? With Draco?"

Hermione nodded sheepishly.

"Hermione! How could you?"

"I don't know. I can't explain it. It felt like the most natural thing in the world!."

"I don't believe it," said Ginny, incredulously.

"Hey, he's not the guy we used to know Ginny."

"Hermione," she repeated. "You don't know that!"

"I know he's the nicest and most considerate gent you'd ever want to meet. Not to mention he's hung like a horse!"

"Hermione! Really! This is mental."

"Yeah – I know it sounds that way. I told you it was a smutty fanfiction. It doesn't have to make sense. We used your old couch by the way. Hope you don't mind."

Ginny put her hands over her mouth.

"Oh Hermione," she finally said. "I still can't believe it. I can only hope Ron doesn't..."

"Ginny!" blurted Hermione. "Ron and I are not a couple. Not in this story nor in any other. We haven't been for some time. Besides, I have other news."

"Oh my God," she said. "Not as dramatic as the first I hope."

"More so. You see, Draco mentioned that you and Harry are not a pair either."

"WHAT?"

"That's right. You and Harry are not a pair in this fanfiction. He mentioned you and one of – uh some of his Slytherin friends are about to pair up."

"Hermione, now this is insane – totally mental. It doesn't make a lick of sense that I would get involved with a Slytherin."

"Well… you better prepare yourself then."

"In what world would I ever fall for a Slytherin. I can't believe people would ever want to read such tripe."

Hermione shrugged. "I don't think 'falling' is the right word. You see, Draco doesn't know I have the manuscript. The reason he's been so sugar sweet to me is – you see they're laying a trap for us."

"A trap? What kind of trap?"

"They're trying to lure us into the Slytherin Common Room. We're about to become very familiar with quite a few Slytherins tonight."

"Ewh… Won't Harry and Ron miss us?"

"I don't think so. You see time is different once we enter the fanfiction world."

"Who would read such tripe? Besides, Ginny Weasley would never go for a Slytherin."

"It doesn't matter Ginny. Fanfiction always pairs unlikely people together – that's just what they do."

"Well... no matter what this writer dreams up, Harry would never let me out of his sight long enough to slip off with some Slytherin."

Hermione scratched her head through layers of bushy brown hair. "Good point girl, but we'll just have to see how this plays out. Who would have ever thought I'd end up with Draco."

* * *

A/N: Thanks for the comments from GinnyWright. And thanks for reading.

About the umbrella spell - was re-reading the series and then watching the films about a year ago. Good practice if you write fanfiction. It's somewhere in the second film, when the students depart the train at Hogwarts, they all get totally drenched in the rain. The thought hit me then. Why is there no umbrella spell? You pull your wand and cast an umbrella spell? How natural. Rowling missed one there - but by the time she wrote _Fantastic Beasts_ , not only did she use the umbrella spell but it was part of the plot!

In response to the guest review: Yates was never my favorite. I could tolerate most of his alterations until that last scene when Harry fights Voldemort. I thought he butchered that one. The final showdown, and no one is there to see it? Are you kidding? Where has Yates been all of his life. Did he never see American westerns? Did he never listen to _Desperado_ by the Eagles. I don't get it.

Rowling writes a perfectly compelling scene and he ruined it. And I thought toward the end, she had abandoned the readership and was way too accommodating to the movie producers. But why not, she was making just tons of money.


	6. A Scandalous Mission

:

 ** **The** **Reunion****

 ** **A Harry Potter FanFiction** **Parody****

 **Chapter 6.**

 **A Scandalous Mission**

Harry and Ron stumbled through junk littered floors, trying to find a way out of the Room of Hidden things. No matter which way they turned, the endless room of discarded junk went on forever. They wandered in one direction until they finally ended up where they had begun a few hours earlier.

"We'll never get out of here," lamented Ron.

"It doesn't seem so does it," moaned Harry.

"And what happened to the girls?"

"Beats me," replied Harry. "They been acting kind of strange lately."

"What do you think has gotten into them?"

"I don't know. If you hadn't been so busy stuffing your face you might have stopped Hermione from leaving with Malfoy," groused Harry.

"What could I have done about it? We're not a pair anymore Harry. I can't tell her a damned thing."

"Are you listening to yourself Ron? It was Draco Malfoy."

"Look Harry – I'm beginning to think Hermione was right. This place doesn't feel like the right world. And what about you and Ginny. Did you notice those two keep wandering off together."

"Yeah, it is rather strange, isn't it?"

‡‡‡‡‡

"Okay, Hermione. Remind me why we're doing this again."

"To pick up information that might get us out of this trap we're in. The bonus is: you get even with Harry and I pick up information that might get us out of here."

"I still can't believe I'm doing this," Confessed Ginny. "I feel like shit already."

"Don't worry, that feeling will soon pass."

"That's what worries me," said Ginny. "I like being me."

"Oh, don't be so hard on yourself. You know you've been pissed about Harry. Now's your chance to get even."

"Yeah, but that was a long time ago. And I'm pissed at you too."

"Well, the important thing is that we find a way out of here and you get even at the same time," reasoned Hermione.

"Yeah – but this is fanfiction. What Harry did was real."

"Don't worry, it'll feel real enough," quipped Hermione with a chuckle.

"I'm beginning to feel you're not the girl I knew," said Ginny.

"I'm not. I'm OOC," replied Hermione.

"What the hell's that?"

"My character, it's OOC – Out of Character. They write us that way in fanfiction!"

"That sounds mental. And where exactly is this little get-together supposed to take place?" Ginny asked. "Don't think there's enough room on that couch for all four of us."

Hermione laughed. "Oh no, we're not staying here."

"And just where are we going? There's no way out of this place. And Ron and Harry are not that far way."

"Well, that's the funny thing," explained Hermione. "Draco finally told me – he's been coming in and out through the Vanishing Cabinet all this time."

"Not through the door?"

"No. Through the Vanishing Cabinet," she repeated.

"So where does it come out at?" asked Ginny.

"He wouldn't tell me that. We'll just have to find out."

"...and won't we be missed," questioned Ginny. "Harry and Ron will be looking for us?"

"No, That's the funny thing. When Draco and I – when I left with..." she struggled for the words.

"When you shagged Draco?" blurted Ginny and Hermione pulled a face.

"You see, time, it's not the same. We were gone for hours but Harry's watch showed maybe fifteen minutes."

"How the hell is that Hermione."

Hermione stopped and scratched her head through layers of thick bushy hair.

"I've got a theory," she said with her forefinger held high for emphasis.

"Okay," said Ginny. "About what?"

"About this whole thing. You see, we came from the Harry Potter canon world."

" _Okay_. I'll buy that."

"But we've crossed via some crazy portal into a dimension between the canon and fanfiction world."

"Can you translate please?" sneered Ginny.

"Look: the Draco I met is pure fanfiction. The real Draco is a pencil dick jerk. We all know that right?"

Ginny laughed. "You're finally making sense!"

"So this Draco is pure fanfiction. And to answer your question: no, I don't think we'll be missed by Harry and Ron. Once we get back in that Vanishing Cabinet with Draco, we'll be totally in the fanfiction world."

"I can only hope you're right," pleaded Ginny.

"I believe that canon characters are unable to leave this place. But fanfiction characters are free to come and go."

They walked in silence for a few moments.

"Speak of the devil," Hermione said. "There's Draco."

"Yeah, who's that with him?"

"It looks like Marcus Flint and a couple of friends. Wha'd you think of him in school?," asked Hermione, sheepishly.

"Thought he was an incredible jerk, but he _was_ a good Quidditch player."

"So you see," said Hermione in an upbeat tone. "You two have something in common."

Ginny pulled a face. "I just hope this fanfiction world is as simple as you said it was," she lamented.

"Don't worry," said Hermione, reassuringly. "It will be."

‡‡‡‡‡

"Harry," said Ron, slouching in a winged chair with his feet up on a rest. "This place, it's not so bad."

"You're going to put on weight if you keep eating. Besides before you go conjuring more food, we need to get rid of the old scraps."

"Don't worry, I found an empty trunk today. We can dump all the scraps later."

"Why not now?" suggested Harry.

"Well – before I forget – and before the girls get back, I need to say something."

Harry looked his friend over suspiciously. He knew from experience that whenever Ron needed 'to say something' that it always came out sideways.

"Yeah what's that Ron?"

"Well, I just wanted to say how bad I felt about earlier – you know – the questions I asked you. I had no right to ask you that."

"Don't mention it Ron."

"No really. I want to," Ron insisted. "You're the best friend I have Harry. I had no reason to question you and Hermione's integrity."

"Please Ron – it's all water over the damn. We need to concentrate on getting out of here."

"All the same Harry, I want to apologize. Will you forgive me?"

"Just drop it Ron."

"But do you forgive me?"

"Of course Ron," groused Harry, and he began to look off into space.

"You know, I've been thinking," Ron went on.

"I can tell."

"I know I never treated Hermione fairly. All these years. When she gets back I'm going to ask her to give me another chance."

"Ron..."

"No I mean it Harry. I've been an inconsiderate turd all these years – not to mention all the women I went out with while Hermione waited for me at home."

"Now you're making things up. She never waited at home for you Ron."

"Sure she did. And that summer I ran off and left her in the tent. Cried her eyes out, I heard."

"Look Ron, can you just hold up for a minute? You're getting things a bit sideways. I'd love to see you two get back together – but under the right conditions – the truthful conditions."

Ron looked at Harry, confused and a bit muddled. "What do you mean the 'right conditions – the truthful conditions'?"

"And… she didn't cry that much Ron. Oh a little at first. But I was there to comfort her."

"Comfort her?" Ron asked, his suspicions beginning to ratchet up a notch.

"Yes, comfort her. You see, you were right in asking Ron. There _was_ something that went on in the tent."

Ron's face went pale like he was slapped across the cheeks with a cold wet haddock.

"So," he uttered at length. "Voldemort was right then. She did care more about you than me."

"No," Harry snapped back. "Voldemort was only trying to rattle you – trying to drive a wedge between us."

"That would have done it I guess," Ron said and started up.

"Look Ron – wait. We didn't know – Hermione didn't know if she'd ever see you again. The place was thick with catchers."

"My friend! And I thought you were my friend."

"I was, and still am. But you know what they say Ron – a hard dick has no conscious."

"You're no friend of mine Harry. I was a fool to ever trust you."

"You can say whatever you want Ron… but you should have been there. You have never left the way you did."

Ron bounced up out of the easy chair and dusted the bread crumbs off his clothes. He gave Harry a quick stern glance and disappeared.

‡‡‡‡‡

"You knew about this!"

"About what?" replied Hermione defensively.

"About what they had planned."

"I had my suspicions. But we needed to go through with it."

Ginny gave her friend an angry look.

"Hell, you were with Draco all night while I entertained a room full of Slytherins."

"Entertained!? That's a new word for it. But it's the only chance we have to find out clues – did you find any?"

Ginny looked away perturbed.

"I was kind of tied up."

"Literally!?"

" _No_ not literally," snapped Ginny.

"Oh – sorry."

"But you were right," she mused, "as she dusted and straightened her dress."

"About what girl?"

"I wasn't myself. As soon as I entered the common room... I don't know what got in to me. I just wasn't myself."

"I told you," said Hermione.

"Yes, but even in the fanfiction world – that was total smut. And how do I look , by the way?"

"Like you've been rode hard and put up wet. We need to find you a mirror," replied Hermione. "We might even find some old makeup or powder around this place."

"I look that bad huh?"

"You look a bit rough."

"They didn't even talk like us," said Ginny. "Their word usage – it was like American or something."

"Yeah, that's typical... poorly written fanfiction. They're nothing like the Slytherins I remember. Totally OOC."

"Yeah," agreed Ginny. "The author must have been a total perv, that one, but then so was I."

Hermione laughed. "Yeah, we could hear you. I was almost embarrassed."

"That bad huh?"

"Yeah, but we have learned something."

"And what was that?" asked Ginny.

"That we can use the Vanishing Cabinet to travel anywhere in the fanfiction world."

"Yeah," Ginny agreed. "And did you notice it was the same Vanishing Cabinet!"

"The same?"

"Yes – when we arrived at the common room, did you notice? It was the same cabinet."

"Ginny are you sure? They normally work in pairs."

"It was the same. Somebody had carved their name into the wall. The name, it was the same. I'm sure of it."

Hermione stopped to think. She spotted a mirror and an old basin.

"Let's clean you up over here," she said and led her friend to the mirror.

"I could use a shower. There's something dried and caked in my hair."

"What _did_ you you two do last night?"

"You _two_? Are you kidding?"

"Oh girl! Did you pull the Slytherin Choo Choo?"

"I'd just as soon not think about it Hermione – I just need a shower."

"I don't think we'll find a shower. But I'll fill the basin with water and find you something else to wear. That thing is ghastly."

Ginny began to peel out of the dress. Thinking about their situation, Hermione scratched her head through layers of bushy hair.

"How was Draco by the way?" asked Ginny and she struggled to brush the tangles out of her hair.

"Heavenly – if you imagine it?"

"That's difficult. But I'll try."

"Sooo, we have one Vanishing Cabinet doing all this mischief. How is this happening Ginny?" she asked, rhetorically.

Unbuttoned to the waist, Ginny let the works fall and then stepped out of the remains of the dress. She stood there naked showing rug burns and bruises. "Now what?" she asked.

"Ginny," gasped Hermione. "They _did_ rough you up!"

"Look Hermione – can you just find me some clothes.

"Give me a minute. Fist we'll tend to these bruises and burns," she said, and pulled Essence of Dittany from a small handbag. With a little dipping and dobbing she had Ginny looking new in seconds.

" _Now,_ you're back to normal! You finish your hair and I'll look for you more clothes in that old trunk."

"Can you find me something a little more modern – _and casual_?"

Hermione laughed. She wandered off to return a few minutes later with a bundle in her hand.

"I don't think you can call this modern, but it is casual."

Ginny scrutinized the pile suspiciously. "Well what the hell is it?."

"I found this decorative rope and material. I think it's about right for a Toga."

"Are you kidding me?" asked Ginny. "This looks like old draperies."

"Curtains actually - but I think they'll work."

"Are you sure?"

"Absolutely!"

With an engineering flair, Hermione had the curtains wrapped around Ginny in the fashion of a Toga. She finished with the gold rope tied around her narrow waist.

"It looks hot," announced Hermione.

"It's huge Hermione. It'll fall off me."

"I'll have to transfigure it for size," Hermione reasoned.

Hermione grinned impishly and then waved her wand over Ginny's Toga while muttering a charm. Instantly the thing fit skin tight and stopped just above the ankle. The cream colored material contrasted wonderfully with Ginny's flame colored Ginger hair. The hem had a wide split that rose wicked high. The entire length of her leg and thigh popped out as she walked. Hermione was certain her friend had never looked better.

"You can almost see my dirty bits in this thing," said Ginny. "Just who are we trying to impress now?"

"Harry – of course. When he sees you in this he won't be asking any questions about where you've been all night."

This answer appeared to pacify the beautiful ginger haired witch.

"Alright, but what are we gonna do for you?" Ginny asked as she gave her friend the once over.

"Who cares," snapped Hermione. "Ron and I are not dating – remember?"

‡‡‡‡‡

Not far from he Vanishing Cabinet, the girls found Harry and the remains of Ron's lunch. Ron himself was nowhere around.

"You alone Harry?" Ginny asked.

"Wow – look at you. Where'd you find the clothes?"

"In an old trunk. Hermione worked her magic on them."

"I'm ready to get out of these dress robes," he groused.

"You didn't tell us where Ron is?" Hermione asked.

"Yeah – uh… I don't know. He'll be back. That's for sure. And where have you two been. You been gone for hours."

Ginny blushed pink. With an open mouth, she struggled to assimilate a proper response. Hermione quickly stepped in front of her.

"We've been looking for clues. And what about you two?"

Harry looked over Ron's mess. "We haven't found a thing."

"We may have turned up something."

"Yeah what's that?"

Hermione looked heavenward. She had to reveal the evidence she and Ginny discovered without revealing details of the smutty fanfiction.

"We believe," she began carefully. "After witnessing Draco leave in the Vanishing Cabinet and come back again, that we are caught between the Canon world and a fanfiction."

"Caught between the two?"

"I believe so."

"How do we get back then?"

"Somehow we have to direct the Vanishing Cabinet back to Canon world."

"Direct it?" implored Harry. "Doesn't one Cabinet connect to another?"

"Not this one, and Ginny noticed something peculiar."

"She did? Peculiar in what way."

Hermione scratched her forehead and quickly amended her story not to include details of their raunchy evening.

"She noticed," began Hermione. "That the cabinet back at the castle is the same one we have here."

"And just how did she do that?" quizzed Harry.

"I'm not sure Harry – distinguishing marks of some kind. LOOK, you want to get out of this place or not?"

"Alright, alright," Harry shot back. He knew it was pointless to question Hermione when she was having an epiphany.

"Just how do we _direct_ the Vanishing Cabinet then?"

"I'm not sure Harry. Right now I'm just not sure."

:

* * *

A/N: Thanks for the new fav's and follows – and thanks for reading


	7. A Glimmer of Hope

:

 ** **The** **Reunion****

 ** **A Harry Potter**** ** ** ** **FanFiction****** **Parody****

 **Chapter 7.**

 **A Glimmer of Hope**

Hours of brainstorming had failed to turn up a single clue as to how the group could return home. No one could come up with one decent thought on how to direct the Vanishing Cabinet back to the canon world.

Hermione kept recounting every step they had taken since leaving the Gryffindor Common room. Ron appeared to never tire creating food from the tip of his wand. And Harry… he could do nothing but watch Ginny fidget with the knot holding her Toga together. He knew he'd been holed up for far too long.

"Ginny," he finally said. "If I'm to concentrate, I'll need you to find something else to wear."

"What's wrong with my Toga? Hermione fashioned it."

"Yeah," piped Hermione. "What's wrong with it?"

"It's a bit suggestive. I won't get any work done looking at your arse in a skin tight Toga."

Hermione and Ginny laughed, and Harry turned pink.

Ginny almost choked trying to stop her laugh. "Didn't ever think I'd ever hear you say that Harry."

"Didn't think I'd ever be trapped in the Room of Hidden things," he sneered.

"Feeling a bit _randy_ are we Harry?"

"Shut up Hermione."

"Well, maybe you ought to just take her back to that couch. Ron and I won't tell," Hermione said with a laugh and Ginny giggled.

"What's wrong with you two?" Harry asked. "And how do you know about that?"

"What couch?" asked Ron.

"The one they used in school Ron," replied Hermione.

"What's gotten into you Hermione?" demanded Harry. "This isn't like you."

"It's the effect of this smutty fanfiction Harry," said Hermione. "You don't feel it Harry?"

"I don't feel anything," exclaimed Ron, with a huge Turkey leg in hand.

"Go back to eating Ron, and shut up," barked Ginny.

"Maybe I do – but we need to find a way out of this place," argued Harry.

"Maybe we should take a break Harry," coaxed Ginny, "Maybe take a walk?"

Harry just sat there without responding. A moment later Ginny took his hand and pulled him up as if he was a feather. They quickly disappeared from sight. Hermione could tell from the path they were taking that Ginny was leading him to the couch.

For the longest time there was no dialogue between Ron and Hermione of any kind, and the silence became to scream. Tired of stuffing his face, Ron pushed away from a little makeshift table and looked toward Hermione.

"Harry told me about you two," he said at last with an angry stab.

" _About you two_ what?"

"About you two in the tent."

"That was a long time ago."

"But _we_ were a couple then," argued Ron.

"Up to the moment you left Ron. You just left me – and over nothing. But we're not a couple now, so maybe you should just leave that one alone."

Ron thought on this for a moment without challenge.

"So... Voldemort was right... that summer in the tent. You really did want Harry more than me."

"I DID NOT," shouted Hermione. "Ron, you can be so thick sometimes. I cared for you! And you just fucking left! I really didn't know if you were coming back. I didn't know if any of us would ever survive the war."

"But we did," added Ron, introspectively.

"Yes we did. So let's make the best of it then – eh?"

There was another moment of silence.

"I know I was an arse."

"What!? What are you saying now?"

"I'm not thick Hermione. I know I was an arse. I did leave you and I know now I was wrong – maybe I knew it then, I don't know. I just got that way sometimes. I felt like – like I was always being compared to _The Chosen One_ – that's all."

"You've always implied that Ron. But I never compared you to Harry. I thought of us all as having our own special gifts."

"Maybe not – but it felt that way sometimes."

"Well I can promise you Ron – that I never."

At that Ron got up and joined Hermione on the couch.

"Well... I'm sorry then," he said and put his arm on Hermione's shoulder. She recoiled slightly from his touch.

"RON, are you coming on to me now? Has this fanfiction gotten to you too?"

"OH please Hermione," he exclaimed and pulled his arm back. "I don't know. Well maybe… Lord knows it's been long enough."

Hermione pointed her index finger at Ron's nose.

"I'm sorry Ron, but you'll have to wait. It's not that simple. Maybe... we can talk about this later, if we ever get out of this place. Right now we just need to concentrate on finding a way out of here."

Ron just shook his head in despair.

"So what's the deal with Ginny and Harry, and the couch?" he asked at last.

"It's the one they used to go snogging on while back in school. Before you gave them _permission_ to date."

"Snog eh? I bet there was a bit more than snogging going on, wasn't it?"

"I'm sure there was Ron."

"So," exclaimed Ron. "Why did it take me so long to see these things?"

"Maybe it was because you didn't want to?" Hermione suggested. "You always wanted things the way _you_ thought they should be. Well, that's not the way the world works. You should have opened your eyes – you should have been less demanding. People were just showing you what you wanted to see Ron."

With that, Ron got up and went back to his own chair.

‡‡‡‡‡

Ginny and Harry finally wandered back and plopped down in their chairs as if nothing had been going on. This of course was proof that something definitely had gone on.

"I need a cigarette," said Ginny at last.

"Ginny!" exclaimed Hermione. "You don't smoke. And that's a filthy habit."

"Yeah – I know. But I just suddenly feel like one."

"It's this fanfiction thing," mused Harry. "I think it's gotten into all of us. Well, maybe all of us," he repeated and looked toward Ron who still appeared to be obsessed with creating food.

"Well," began Ron. "She might as well have one – doesn't look like we'll ever get out of this place."

With a twitch of his wand, Ron created a cigarette and gave it to Ginny.

"Be careful Ginny," cautioned Hermione. "We've seen what this place is like when it burns. Believe me, you don't want that."

"I'll be careful."

"Hermione," blurted Harry. "You've got to get us out of here. It's beginning to affect us all."

"I'm trying to Harry, but I don't know where to begin."

"The only clue is this manuscript," he said. "Have you read it?"

"I've glanced through it Harry – it's a piece of trash."

"Granted," he agreed. "But I think it's our only clue at this point. After all, it's what got us here."

Reluctantly, Hermione reached for the pile of tattered pages.

"I'm not really sure if I want to know what happens," she said. "I'm afraid to see what Ginny and I do next."

Harry furrowed his brows. "What _have_ you done?"

Hermione quickly corrected herself. "I mean figuratively, of course" she added with a blush and a glance toward Ginny.

"We should talk it through," said Ron through a mouthful.

"After I finish the manuscript," countered Hermione as she got up to leave. "And in private if you don't mind."

"Please hurry," said Harry.

‡‡‡‡‡

Only Ginny was at the gathering spot when Hermione returned. Hermione could see she had found an old book and appeared to be quite comfortable.

"You want to have a go at this?" Hermione asked teasingly and waving the manuscript. "It's never boring to read about your own misadventures."

"Have you finished it?"

Hermione nodded. "It was all I could do to finish it."

"That bad huh?"

"That bad..."

Hermione plopped down in an old wing back. She jumped up just as fast.

"What am I sitting on?"

She pulled a chicken leg bone from out of the chair cushion.

"What the hell!?" she asked.

"I think Ron was sitting there," said Ginny.

"That figures," Hermione said and tossed the bone over her shoulder. "Where are the guys anyway?"

"Went spelunking – or so they said."

"Spelunking for what?"

"Didn't say. And what about you? You find a way out of here?"

"No, but if this book is any clue to the future – we need to get out of here quick."

"That bad huh?"

"Oh yeah. If you think the other night was rough – you haven't seen anything yet."

"This is getting to be a nightmare." mused Ginny. "How long have we been here anyway – it feels like forever."

"I'm not sure Gin. You know, time in the fanfiction world may not be the same as time in the canon world."

"It only seems like yesterday when I got my invitation."

"Yeah, I know what you..." Hermione said and then went stone silent.

There was a long pause.

"What were you saying Hermione," queried Ginny.

"Yeah, what were you saying Hermione," quipped Ron as he and Harry turned the corner.

"I was saying… that I know what Ginny means… but that may be the clue."

"What clue?" asked Harry. "Hermione, a clue to what?" he demanded.

"A clue to us getting out. Ginny – do you still have the invitation?"

"Blimey, I really don't know Hermione."

"Well put out that cigarette and go look girl!"

Ginny scowled and then bounced up.

"What the hell _are_ you talking about Hermione?" plied Ron.

"I'm talking about directing the Vanishing Cabinet back to the canon world. You see… Ginny's invitation is from the canon world. Just like the fanfiction manuscript that led us here, the Castle Invitation just might lead us back."

Harry pursed his lips and scratched his head. Ron looked totally confused.

"Where the hell's my bag," said Ginny. "I thought I left it around here somewhere."

"Here it is!" said Ron. "It was under a pile of table scraps."

"Hermione!" asked Harry. "Do you think this will work?"

Hermione rolled her shoulders into a shrug. "We can give it a try."

Ginny fished through her bag feverishly. At last, she yanked out the invitation and held it high.

"Okay you lot, let's go find the Vanishing Cabinet," ordered Harry.

"What if it takes us somewhere even worse than here," groused Ron.

"That would be hard to imagine," countered Ginny.

"Over there!" shouted Hermione. "Hurry up Ron."

They gathered in front of the cabinet, but then made no effort to go in.

"I'm a little worried," confessed Ginny.

"That makes sense Ginny," said Harry. "Who wouldn't after that first hop, but Hermione has made a good point."

"We can't stay here forever Ginny," Hermione said.

Ron reached for the door. "Last one in is a rotten egg."

"Wait a minute," urged Hermione. "Where did you find the fanfiction Ginny?"

"Just laying in the floor of this thing."

"Good, so throw the invitation in the same place."

Ginny took one last look at the invitation and then tossed it in. One by one they all followed. Finally they squeezed in together and made a ring of hands.

"It won't go anywhere until the door is closed Ron," Hermione said.

Ron reached around his ex and pulled the door closed with a snap. Quickly he reached for Hermione's hand.

"Good luck," said Ron. "Good luck!" they all chorused.

And they waited quietly for the Cabinet to begin.

And waited.

And waited.

And waited.

"Okay, something's wrong," griped Ron.

"Ginny, are you sure that was the invitation you found?"

"I can't see for sure."

"Ron – open the door."

"Okay," she said after studying the floor. "I think that's my shopping list."

"Damn," moaned Harry. "Can we get this sorted out!"

"Okay – okay – I know it's here somewhere."

"If you've lost yours I can look in my bag Gin."

"It's here somewhere... I know it."

"Please Gin," begged Harry.

"Okay! I found it. Let's go!"

"Wait a second," said Ron. "Let's get into a proper circle. You can't expect me to hold Harry's hand."

"Oh, for God's sake Ron. Close the door, get in the fucking circle, and let's go."

"Scoot your arse over here Hermione and I'll close the door."

Hermione stood there, put off.

"Just do it Hermione," urged Harry. "let's just get the hell out of here."

"Oh Hell," she moaned and moved between Harry and Ron. "Are you happy Ron?"

"Yes."

"Well then can you close the frigging door?"

Begrudgingly, Ron slammed the door and they were once again in the dark.

But they didn't have to wait long. The cabinet began to vibrate and then hum. Small beams of light burst through the cracks in the cabinet.

It began to shake, rattle, and roll. Once again they were hurtling through the magical ether toward an unknown destiny.

Then with a loud boom all went black.

:

* * *

A/N: Thanks for the encouragement from puddleinthefloor and TheEmpressJai. A big thanks for the new fav's and follows, and most of all a big thanks for reading.

In the series, the three main characters fought and squabbled a lot - and over petty problems too, just all the time. Rowling was often criticized for that. So, just thought I would make light of that here. :)


	8. Reflections and Revelations

:

 ** **The** **Reunion****

 ** **A Harry Potter** **Fanfiction** **Parody****

 **Chapter 8.**

 **Reflections and Revelations**

They weren't sure exactly how long they had been sprawled out on the floor; it may have been a few seconds; it may have been minutes or longer. But it was if they had awoken from a long dream. Ron came to first. Hermione was laying across his chest. Harry was regaining consciousness, and Ginny was beginning to rouse.

"What the bloody hell?" demanded Ron as if someone were responsible.

"Huh," someone said.

"What the f..."

When Hermione realized she was lying across her ex she jumped up as if snake bit.

"What's happened," Ginny asked.

"Look," said Hermione. "Your clothes."

"And yours," replied Ginny.

"And mine?" said Harry and spread his arms to demonstrate. "We're all dressed the way we came to the party."

"Are we back then?" asked Ron, to no one in particular.

Slowly they struggled to their feet. Ron tried to help Hermione, but she insisted on managing herself.

"There's only one way to find out."

"Look!" said Ginny, "Ron's scraps are gone."

"That's not what I meant."

" _I_ know that."

In a moment of bravado Harry turned toward the door. "Come on you lot – let's get out of here."

But as they neared the door they paused and then stopped, lacking the courage to continue. No one wanted to contemplate being stuck in this world between canon and fanfiction for another minute. Collecting their resolve they moved closer to the door. It cracked open obediently and then swung wide.

"We're out," exclaimed Harry.

"Great," said Ron. "Now to get out without being noticed."

"What do you mean Ron?"

"Well… like we've been here for days right. Won't that cause some suspicions if we're noticed?"

"Who knows," said Hermione.

"And who cares?" replied Ginny. "I'm just glad to be out!"

:

Moving down the stairs with stealth, they watched carefully for anyone that might take notice of their presence, and object to it. It was near the third floor that things took on a bit of a twist.

"Isn't that music?" asked Harry.

"It sounds like the Weird Sisters," said Ginny.

"How can that be?" asked Ron.

"It's just possible the party is still going on," reasoned Hermione.

"Oh. No way," said Ron.

"Well just keep walking Ron. We'll soon see."

Before they could get to the first landing, a tipsy couple jetted past them on their way upstairs.

"Looks like they're headed for a good time."

"I hope they stay out of the Room of Requirement."

"I'm not believing this!" said Ginny as the music picked up. "Sounds like they're still in full swing."

To their amazement the Great Hall was still full of revelers.

"It looks like we were gone only an hour or so, their time."

"Well I don't know about you," moaned Harry, "but I've had about enough of the party."

"Yeah – me too," added Hermione. "I've got to get out of this castle. What time is it Harry?"

"About eight-thirty. We were only here an hour and a half."

"Feels longer that that," mused Ginny, and Hermione chuckled.

"We could sit by the lake a while," said Ron. "Feels like a shame to leave after just getting here."

"Just getting here!?" You've got to be kidding Ron. We've been trapped in that bloody room for days."

Ron threw his hands up in surrender. "Okay, fine. Let's get out of here then."

Harry and Ron led the way as the group left the castle toward the Black lake. They founds benches along the shore where they plopped down as if exhausted from a long ordeal. Ginny leaned on Harry's shoulder while Hermione sat next to Ron without opposition of any kind.

If nothing else, the weather on this night was excellent. The crickets and cicadas were filling the night air with the sounds of bug music. There was a soft breeze blowing off the water and it smelled refreshing after being trapped in an airtight room filled with decaying relics.

They sat there in silence as if speaking might break the harmony of this fine scene.

"What happened?" asked Ron, finally breaking the silence.

"What do mean Ron?"

"I'm not sure what I mean. This whole experience – what was it about? And why?" he asked but no one volunteered an answer.

"Why does it have to be about something Ron?" Hermione finally said.

"And why did we end up in the Room of Hidden things," he continued. "We could have wound up in any other room just as easily."

"Maybe you've got a point Ron," replied Hermione. "Maybe – because we were all hiding things."

Ron and Hermione looked to be satisfied with this explanation. Ginny however did not.

"Maybe it was all a dream," she suggested. "I mean – we learned things. But it was all just a dream."

"But we had the same dream Ginny," ventured Harry.

"Who cares – it's over," said Ron. "I suggest we learn from the experience and all be the wiser."

"Well that's very prophetic Ron. Quite the philosopher you are," teased Hermione.

"Yeah – whatever then."

"Would it be possible," said Ginny after another break of silence. "That you two could bring us a drink? I'd like to speak to Hermione in person, if you don't mind."

"Would you like us to just leave so you can talk?" asked Ron. "Or do you really need the drink?"

"Just get the drinks Ron," snapped Hermione.

Sulking, Ron slipped off with Harry in tow.

"Good God" began Ginny. "I'm so happy to be back in canon again. I like being just me Hermione. And I don't know if this whole experience was real or just a dream. Part of me says it was real – and part of me says it wasn't..."

"I understand Ginny. And I feel the same."

"...but whether it was or wasn't, I don't feel like we should ever go into the details of this smutty fanfiction part with anyone but ourselves. Is that a deal?"

"Sure Ginny. I can see you feel bad. You never really talked about that night."

"Well – no, and some of the details are beginning to get foggy. Which makes me think it was just a dream. I do remember that you and Draco slipped off as soon as we got there..."

"Yeah, he wanted to show me his room."

"So… while you were with Draco, I went off with Marcus Flint. We just talked for a while, and then I seem to remember that all these other guys just popped up out of nowhere. They were all pawing at me – rubbing me through my clothes."

"Sounds horrible," injected Hermione.

"It was, but the worst part of it – I really didn't mind. Oh, I know I was still angry at Harry and you. But it just wasn't me. The whole thing was surreal; It was like an out of body experience. I could look down and see myself with all these guys, and I got turned on by it. I mean Hermione, you can't imagine..."

Hermione shook her head. "No wonder you don't want this out. But look Ginny, I told you – it was just a smutty fanfiction. And I can imagine a great deal. Do you think I could be with Draco Malfoy under any other conditions?"

Ginny laughed. "And to think I was so disgusted with that. And then look at me," she said and shook her head. "I had half of Slytherin house!"

Hermione put her hand on Ginny's shoulder. "It's our little secret. And never forget Ginny – it was all just some mental fanfiction."

"Yeah – it's amazing that someone could ever write that kind of shite. But I wonder what they're doing now. I wonder if they're looking for us? You read the manuscript."

"Yeah, and it's good we got out when we did. I think they had a diversion planned for Draco. Then we were to host the next Slytherin tag team event. Even bigger than the first."

"You know," said Ginny. "The strange things is: they weren't all that unkind. And to some degree even gentle."

"Yeah," replied Hermione, introspectively. "I always thought the Slytherins were happiest when screwing over Gryffindor. But you're right, Draco was very kind and considerate. We had lengthy conversations when I wasn't in his arms. I'm telling you, that man was dreamy. I mean, after getting over predefined notions of just how crappy he had been for years."

Ginny chuckled. "You having serious conversations with Draco. That's more difficult to believe than the sex."

Hermione laughed. "He was good at that too. But we did talk. And he made it all sound believable."

"Really?"

"Yes. You see he explained how he had been brought up in a sheltered environment. All his life he had been force fed all this bull-shite of how superior he was. When in fact it was his parents wealth that people really respected. What people he knew that is, mostly Slytherins like himself, who were brought up under the same conditions."

"Wow, it must have been strange to hear him say that."

"Oh it was. He explained that he had led quite an insular life – apart from society as a whole. And at the same time – thinking he knew exactly what was best for them."

"Kind of like our celebrities today."

"Yes. Exactly."

"Wonder whatever happened to Gilderoy Lockhart?"

"Fell out of his pram, I heard. Went totally mental."

"Yeah, that's a shame. A dreamboat that one was."

"I think I see Harry and Ron," said Hermione, stretching her neck.

"Well," said Ginny with a drawl. "If there's a silver lining in all this – I'll have to be very nice to Harry for a while."

"That's good to hear Ginny."

"Well, I think I'll catch up with him now and shove off."

As Ginny rose, Hermione jumped up as well. Ginny gave her friend a hug.

"It took a lot of courage to tell me what happened. And you're still my best friend."

"And you mine, Ginny."

"Oh! I hope I don't leave you in a tough place – stuck with Ron and all."

"Oh no. Ron has been very mature over this whole thing. And… I think we have a few things to discuss as well."

Ginny smiled and gave Hermione a little peck on the cheek. "Goodnight girl."

"Goodnight Gin."

:

* * *

A/N: Sorry for the delay. Been a bit busy. Thanks for the new fav's and follows. And thanks for reading!


	9. All's Well That Ends Well

:

 ** **The** **Reunion****

 ** **A Harry Potter** **Fanfiction** **Parody****

 **Epilogue.**

 **All's Well That Ends Well**

It was back to another day at work for Harry – or back to idling away at the Auror office, however you chose to look at it. It was also back to being bored. Two years after the Battle of Hogwarts had ended the war, and there was not enough crime in the wizarding world to keep the Department busy. Kingsley had seriously considered lending them out to other countries to expand their training. Ron and Hermione were receptive to the idea but Ginny absolutely forbade Harry to leave.

But as boring as the Auror office was, it felt great to be back. They had all experienced a legitimate scare and Harry had no intentions of playing in Vanishing Cabinets, ever again. This morning was Ron's turn to bring coffee, but the ginger haired wizard was nowhere around.

A familiar clacking of heels down the marble floored corridor indicated Hermione was about to pay a visit.

"Good morning," she greeted effervescently as she stuck her head in the door.

"Morning Hermione," came Harry's less than enthusiastic reply.

"What you two up to this morning?" She obviously couldn't see from Ron's almost hidden cubicle that the ginger haired wizard was not in the office.

"I'm still waiting for Ron and still waiting for an assignment around this place. Not sure which is the slowest!"

"Well, Ron will never get any quicker – but there may be an increase in crime in the community. You see, I've been reading a report that says members of a particularly nasty gang have been spotted in Knockturn Alley."

"How I come I haven't heard about it yet?"

"No idea! You know how Kingsley has his secretive ways."

"Yeah, I guess so," said Harry sullenly.

"But you must be happy to be back – how's Ginny by the way?"

Harry scrunched his brows tight. "Curiously happy – like all the time?"

"That's good isn't it?"

"I suppose. I just can't figure out why. Especially after you told her about our little indiscretion a few years ago."

"Sorry Harry – just tired of carrying that burden – and it somehow just popped out."

"You might have talked to me first you know."

"Come on Harry – I have talked to you – and Ginny's cool with it now."

Harry scrunched his brows again.

"I suppose that's good, but I don't understand why Ginny's not pissed."

Hermione looked amused but said nothing.

"And where did you two go off to… In the _Room of Hidden Things_? You weren't gone long but Ginny came back all different each time?"

"I think Harry – you should just be happy she's in a good mood. You see, sometimes, the truth _is_ the best medicine."

Harry scowled at her corny explanation and waved his arm to dismiss the whole thing.

"She tells me you and Ron are giving it another try?"

Hermione nodded. "It's what we do – Ron and I. We're always making comebacks. Don't know if any will ever stick, but Ron seems bigger now."

"Bigger? What do you mean?"

"Bigger about life!"

"I sincerely wish you luck with this."

"You talk like you don't believe it's possible!?"

"After the _Room of Hidden Things_ , I believe anything is possible, and I really hope it works out. I hope, as you say, that Ron _is_ getting bigger. It's _time_ he grew up..."

"Time who grew up!?" said an all too familiar voice.

"Oh Ron – good morning," chirped Hermione.

"Spilling your guts to Harry again."

"No, I came looking for you – if you must know."

"Well here I am." he said and plopped an over-stuffed rucksack on his desk and fell into his chair.

"Are you going to offer me a seat Ron?" asked Hermione playfully.

Ron slapped his lap, invitingly. Hermione thought about the offer and then took it. Carefully she moved onto Ron's lap. He adjusted her as he made a face.

"So what are you playing at?" he asked.

"Playing at? Nothing of course."

"Oh come on Hermione," he said and adjusted her ass again. "There's something you're after."

"There's a dance – this weekend," injected Hermione quickly. "I was hoping we could go."

"A dance? Where?"

"Hogsmeade."

"Hogsmeade?"

"Yes," said Hermione, somberly. "And Harry – what are you and Ginny doing? She might like to go."

Harry made a sour face.

"I believe the Weird Sisters are playing – along with another band. I mean, we really didn't get to enjoy them last time," she said and made a face at Ron.

Harry looked at the two of them and frowned.

"I'll talk to her. And Ron!? Did you forget something this morning?"

Ron looked first stupefied and then resolved as if solving a great puzzle.

"Coffee – yeah I forgot the coffee." He lifted Hermione off his lap and smiled. "I'll go after it right now."

"Oh, no," said Harry, "You two stay here. I'll get it – Hermione, how about you?"

"I quit coffee Harry."

"Oh yeah, I for..."

Ron began out of his chair. "Nope, it's my turn – and I won't be called a slacker over coffee."

"It's nothing Ron. And you need to go over today's reports anyway."

Before Ron could protest further Hermione went clacking off down the corridor.

"I don't know whats gotten into them," said Harry.

"Yeah, did you see how quick she jumped in my lap. She would have never done that before mate!"

"Yeah – both of them falling over themselves to be nice?"

Ron scratched his head. "What the hell's gotten into them, do you think? It all started after we got free of the _Room of Hidden Things_."

"Yeah," agreed Harry with a nod. "And I've been wondering where they went off to."

"Well... they weren't gone that long."

Harry thought on this for a few moments.

"And Hermione – she's been – you know uh, really good to you?"

"Are you kidding?" said Ron. "She's been…" Ron stopped for the correct words. "Really affectionate for a change."

Harry started to say Ginny had been doing the same, but he knew Ron was still old fashioned about his sister and wouldn't want to hear how she couldn't seem to get enough lately.

"This is peculiar," said Harry. "I'm not sure what's going on here."

" _Going on here_!" exclaimed Ron. "We best not go rocking the boat mate. I say we enjoy it while it lasts."

"Yeah Ron, maybe you're right. This won't last forever," reasoned Harry with a smile.

"You're damned right it won't."

They mulled on this quietly for a few moments. Once again you could hear Hermione's clacking in the corridor, but much slower this time.

The bushy haired witch brought in two coffees in paper cups. The sugar and stir sticks were balanced precariously on top of the lids.

"Hermione," exclaimed Ron. "You shouldn't have."

"I know it – but just drink up."

"Thanks Hermione," said Harry and the wizard nodded approvingly.

Before he could get started with his cup, a little inter-departmental memo flew into the room, circled a few times, then nose-dived onto Ron's desk.

Suspiciously, Ron picked it up and read. His mouth moved to the words without sounds. Immediately he looked flustered.

"Bloody Hell," he bellowed. "I totally forgot this meeting."

"A meeting with whom Ron?" asked Hermione.

"A meeting to arrange protection for an _out of country_ dignitary – from Belarus I think?"

"Sounds important," said Hermione, in a praising tone.

"Yeah," said Harry. "Why wasn't I invited? I could use an excuse to get out of the office."

"Couldn't say mate," replied Ron and breezed out of the passageway. "Talk at you later Hermione," he said as his voice faded down the corridor.

Hermione threw her arms up. "Oh well… that's just like Ron. He's never organized. Not in the least!"

"Oh well, at least he get's to get out," piped Harry. "I hate being stuck in here!"

"Oh Harry – you know Kingsley saves you… you know… for the important assignments. Not that Ron isn't important of course."

"That's flattering Hermione, but I don't really buy it."

"I think it's true Harry. Kingsley mentioned something to the effect not long ago."

Harry chuckled. "You always were encouraging Hermione."

"It's true! I'm sure something will come up very soon – and when it does, you probably won't like it."

Harry grinned and took a long hit from the coffee. He looked at Hermione curiously.

"Ron," he stated flatly. "Glad he finally came to his senses – thought he'd never get back with you."

Hermione smiled but let the remark hang in the air unchallenged.

"He says you've changed," added Harry.

"I think we all have – is that not true?" asked Hermione, slyly.

"Yeah, for sure. Ginny is acting loads different now," replied Harry. "Hey, what went on with you two – when you were gone I mean?"

Hermione shrugged and pleaded total ignorance.

"And Draco," Harry went on. "Was he different too?"

"Oh yeah," said Hermione, "totally different. He was really nothing like the old Draco from school days. He was kind and considerate – he had all the qualities he lacked in the canon world."

Harry scratched his head. "That doesn't make a lick of sense."

"You know," Hermione went on. "He asked to borrow money!?"

"Borrow money!? He's loaded. Why would he ask to borrow money?"

"Beats me. Said he parted ways with his family and needed to borrow five Galleons."

"You're not serious?"

"Yeah I am. Of course I didn't have it. A few Sickles is all I had."

"You lent Malfoy Sickles!?"

"It wasn't much Harry."

"Yeah, but still. It's the thought of it."

"But don't you think it's a little strange?" asked Hermione. "That a writer would write Malfoy up as being poor?"

"I know nothing about fanfiction," said Harry. "In the canon word – in our canon world I mean. Money has always been a symbol of something bad. Did you ever notice that?"

Hermione laughed. "Well, it was a children's story Harry."

"Yeah, but still... all the more important don't you think. Do you think that's really fair? Indoctrinating children to believe that all wealthy people are bad, and that all poor people are good? That's total rubbish Hermione. What about Fenrir Greyback's lot? Or the Carrows? They weren't wealthy, but they were greedy and rotten people."

"It is a bit hackneyed and cliché isn't it, but somehow I can't imagine a fanfiction author writing to make that point," Hermione deduced.

Harry laughed. "You're probably right. That would be ridiculous too wouldn't it?"

Hermione nodded slowly and smiled.

"Anyway," said Harry. "Glad to hear you two are back together," he said cautiously, but had to add more. "If you have any problems with Ron – and I can help, you will let me know?"

"Of course; you've always been there for me Harry."

Harry nodded.

"And you will talk to Ginny about the dance?" she asked with eye squinting scrutiny.

Harry nodded again. "I will."

"Thanks Harry," she said and gave the wizard a little peck of a kiss on the forehead.

Harry sat there like a dead lump while he listened to Hermione's heels clacking off down the corridor

:

* * *

 **A/N** : Thought I would conclude the story here. Thanks for the new fav's and follows, and the

comments from GeekMom13.

A few last comments on the series: There were two closing scenes in the DH part 2 that I thought were curious. The first was the last time we get to see the trio as students on the castle bridge. The scene fades out with heads bowed. Hermione snuggles up to Harry with him on her left. To me, this suggests Harry is closest to her heart. Ron sheepishly pulls up but stays a little further away!

The last closing scene 19 years later at the train station is nearly a remake! Once again, Harry is closest to her and on her left. Ron is further and to the right.

In DH part 1, when Harry and Hermione are camped in the Forest of Dean, Harry is recovering from the attack by Nagini. Hermione says this:

"Harry, why don't we just stay here – and grow old?" Harry shrugs off the question. All this makes me think that rough days may be ahead in Hermione and Ron's marriage. :)


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